Languid, mercurial, bone idle: call them what you like, but some players just don’t seem to be as adept at that ‘running around all over the place’ thing as others. With Phil Brown’s Hull City now pinning their hopes on the somewhat less-than-Herculean efforts of former Wigan Athletic absentee Amir Zaki, Sport.co.uk looks at ten other Premier League players who could do with removing a digit, as it were…
1. Dimitar Berbatov (Manchester United) – Undoubtedly the one Premier League player to be most universally condemned as ‘lazy’, Berbatov’s ‘Cantona without the inspiration’ act has elicited as much defence from United fans as it has criticism from others. A player with wonderful natural ability, the Bulgarian’s lazy apex thus far might well be the penalty that he tamely farted into the arms of Everton’s Tim Howard during last season’s FA Cup semi-final shootout at Wembley.
2. Andrei Arshavin (Arsenal) – For all the magic he is capable of mustering at his finest, this Russian is rarely seen rushin’. The Premier League at large has sat back and admired the steady stream of spectacular goals that he’s scored for the Gunners since he arrived from Zenit St Petersburg last year, but his unwillingness to come across as particularly bothered has frustrated the Emirates faithful. In fact, he can offer appear every bit as lazy as the journalistic template of referring to a club’s fans as “the (insert appropriate stadium name here) faithful”.
3. Robinho (Manchester City) - £30m-odd, he cost. You’d expect a bit of a shift for that sort of money, even from a mercurial Brazilian such as Robinho. Craig Bellamy has stepped in on the left-hand side and whizzed about to great effect, so Roberto Mancini could be tempted to cash in on a player who would quite clearly prefer to be at Barcelona. Whether or not Barcelona would have him, given that they are already accommodating the rather ‘relaxed’-seeming Zlatan Ibrahimovic, is open to question.
4. Jermaine Jenas (Tottenham Hotspur) – The Spurs midfielder continues the theme of ‘gifted but lacking in graft’. Fellow midfielder Tom Huddlestone can be anonymous from time to time but has generally impressed this season alongside the all-action Wilson Palacios. Jenas, however, is one passenger too far and is starting to look as though he could use a fresh challenge. Quite how gunning for regular spots in Tottenham’s starting XI and Fabio Capello’s England squad doesn’t represent enough of a challenge, however, raises concerns about the player’s attitude.
5. Benni McCarthy (Blackburn Rovers) – Since his blistering, 24-goal debut season, the South African striker has done little of note at Ewood Park. The decreased frequency of his goalscoring would be more acceptable if he was making up for it in other areas, but he appears disinterested, a notion confirmed by his apparent desire to seek pastures new. Good luck with that, Mr McCarthy.
6. Deco (Chelsea) – For a player blessed with such undoubted quality, Deco has been anonymous for almost his entire time thus far at Stamford Bridge. His abilities as a midfield pivot is not especially required given the presence of Frank Lampard and Joe Cole, so he might as well put his feet up and wait for some desperate party to give him a chance to revive his flagging career.
7. Johan Elmander (Bolton Wanderers) – A prolific scorer for Sweden, the £8m that it took Wanderers to bring Elmander to the Reebok Stadium eventually manifested itself as a stick with which to beat the recently-sacked Gary Megson. Maybe Owen Coyle can coax some kind of effort out of him. It could even be one of his greatest triumphs.
8. Geovanni (Hull City) – Since his goals and performances during the first half of last season propelled the Tigers into the top six, Geovanni’s decline has mirrored that of the team’s. If Phil Brown thinks that the likes of the Brazilian and Zaki can dig his side the right way up of a relegation dogfight then good luck to him. But it doesn’t look good.
9. Jo (Everton) – The on-loan Brazilian (yes, another one) striker recently capped a season of utter ineffectuality by disappearing back to his homeland for two weeks over Christmas without telling his club. David Moyes seemed less than impressed and, if the frantic James Vaughan can stay clear of injury, it’s unlikely that the Crabman-from-My-Name-Is-Earl-lookalike will be all that needed.
10. Nwankwo Kanu (Portsmouth) – The long-reigning champion of languid mercurialness, Kanu is not capable of as much game time as he used to be but is still hanging in there, idly strolling around with memories of exploits past granting him a certain ‘untouchable’ status. And, with winners in the semi-final and final of Pompey’s victorious FA Cup run in 2008, why not?