At last, the end of the era of the “Golden Generation” has arrived and we can begin to reflect on ten years’ worth of rank incompetence for England and the succession of managers that they’ve dragged down with them. Join Sport.co.uk in looking at twenty reasons why England are rubbish…
1. The players – Simply put, they are nowhere near as good as they seem to think they are. Frank Lampard, Steven Gerrard, Wayne Rooney and John Terry may be the inspirational British heartbeats of their respective sides but, when they are all shoehorned into the same loose 4-4-2, their flaws come to the fore more so than their strengths. England have no all-round midfielders like Xabi and Iniesta, yet neglected the kind of sensible and logical balance that Gilberto Silva and Felipe Melo provide Brazil for their more extravagantly skilled team mates to shine. Oh, and their attitudes stink. (England's stars, that is.)
2. The manager – Given that Fabio Capello is the third internationally successful manager in a row to have made a pig’s ear of the England team, he is being cut a lot of slack as the inquests go further and deeper than ever. But no-one forced him to start with Emile Heskey, or to keep picking Steven Gerrard in a position which he refused to stick to, or to select a right-back who can’t defend, or to take Jamie Carragher in the first place, or to play Lampard and Barry as a central midfield two despite the fact that they’re rarely close enough together to get any kind of move going.
3. The English mentality – Give 110%. Never stop running. All well and good, as long as thought is put into where and what those runs should be. The occasional sight of Lionel Messi laying the ball off before slowing to a walking pace as he weighs up his next move (and conserves precious energy) should come as a basic tutorial to England’s players. Messi can do this as Argentina, like all good passing sides, conduct their attacks patiently and in clusters of three or four players at a time. It’s hard to recall a single instance of England doing that during this World Cup.
4. The FA – For allowing things to get this bad. For not renewing Sir Bobby Robson’s contract in 1990 when England had a platform to build on. For the lack of love and attention shown to the grass roots levels of the game. For letting their greed give rise to a situation whereby a select group of players (ie “The Golden Generation”) became poster boys for the ‘Team England’ brand, thus rendering them undroppable and granting them power and status disproportionate to their limited abilities.
5. The Premier League – The proliferation of foreign players in our top flight has often been cited as a main reason for England’s perennial failures, but it is the lack of English players in foreign leagues that has really stifled the evolution of our game. England would benefit greatly from their star players immersing themselves in a footballing culture away from the 100mph thrills of the Sky Sports-nominated “Best League in the World” but they are simply paid far too much money over here for them to consider leaving their comfort zone.
6. Our media – For hyping up these charlatans to the extent that they became vacuous, arrogant celebrities with a sense of entitlement.
7. Our coaching – “Get rid of it!”: four little words which go a long way towards explaining this mess. Making young children play on full-sized pitches, thus encouraging aimless punts and exhausting running instead of carefully considered passing and moving - and placing the emphasis on winning, and the pressure and angst that that can bring, over developing technique and close control. Football hasn’t been made to be enjoyable enough for kids for many years - little wonder, then, that England's players uniformly play without a smile.
8. Our climate – Obviously, kids are far less inclined to kick a ball around outside if the weather’s not up to much. So many of the star players from superior football nations attest to honing their skills in the streets that this factor cannot be discounted.
9. Our government – After all, selling off those playing fields made for a nice little earner.
10. Our ultra-competitive streak – Or, at least, the incorrect channelling of it. Everyone wants to be the hero, rather than focusing on the task at hand. Watching England play is like watching a series of disastrous X Factor auditions, with the panel of judges shaking their heads as a series of long-range shots and ‘Hollywood’ passes go flying into the stands.
11. Supporter expectation – …creating fear and, in turn, manifesting itself as fear on the pitch. The young Germany side looked unencumbered by fear, presumably as a result of lesser expectation. England supporters would do well to remember that ours is not a particularly large country, our league owes its status largely to the contributions of foreigners and that we are not entitled to excel at football just because we invented the game.
12. Tactical naivety – After the game, Germany boss Joachim Loew said: "We knew that the midfield is Gerrard and Lampard, who always support the forwards, and that their midfield would be open. So our objective was to set Terry up with Klose to force him to come out of the defence. We knew that the fullbacks would be very much to the sides and create spaces between the England defenders that would help us penetrate their defence. We wanted to do this and we were successful there.” It’s amazing how England’s opponents can see this yet England themselves apparently cannot. Sending both centre-backs up for a free-kick which Lampard merely blasted into the wall, leading to a Germany goal immediately on the counter, was utterly unfathomable.
13. Arrogance – Not even training with the Jabulani ball prior to the tournament? Taking it in turns to play captain? Thinly-veiled and very public digs at the manager? Blaming it all on tiredness at the end of it? Few are the members of Team England who emerged from this World Cup with any credit.
14. The officials – We’re obliged to include the ref and linesmen, even if Lampard’s ‘goal’ hadn’t been the catalyst for the irresistible England fight-back that some may think it would have been. If the second half had begun level, the superior German side would in all likelihood still have won.
15. The ‘closed shop’ squad selection – If you’re not fit and on form, you’re not in: that’s what Capello said. Did he stick to that? Did he balls. Oh for a manager with the cajones to break up the Lampard/Gerrard axis of disaster and bring in someone like Scott Parker. The inclusions of Jamie Carragher, Michael Carrick, Shaun Wright-Phillips and Emile Heskey were a slap in the face to those fringe players who’d actually had a decent season. And, for all that the players were at fault, it was Capello that oversaw these farcical decisions, and seeing such a great manager getting crushed amidst the perpetual car crash that is Team England has been one of the most depressing aspects of the tournament.
16. Clubs’ stockpiling of young talent – Why develop your own youngsters when you can just poach them from other clubs and keep them hanging around in the background on the off-chance that they might turn out to be good? Footballing limbo awaits those would be future internationals who ditch attentive nurturing at a lower level as soon as a move to a big club presents itself.
17. Self delusion and lack of culpability – Lampard’s claim that England dominated the first 20 minutes should puzzle anyone who, you know, watched the first 20 minutes of the match. Meanwhile, one suspects that each member of the squad has by now convinced themselves that it was all the fault of the referee, or the ball, or the vuvuzelas, or the altitude, or the lack of support from teammates, or the manager’s methods, or tiredness…and they may now return to their clubs where they can forget all about this summer while being worshipped as demi-gods.
18. Fielding a right-back who can’t defend… - …but he’s well good, innit, cos he scored that boss goal against Mexico. That was sick, mate. Pyar skills. Dunnit on Pro Evo once.
19. A psychic octopus called Paul – No, really…
20. And finally, a reason why England will stay rubbish – Harry “I’d bring Crouchy on and hit long balls up to his head” Redknapp: quite possibly our next manager. Unless the Crown Prosecution Service can do their bit.
Join us in ten years' time for Twenty Reasons Why England Are Still Rubbish!