As well as being the beautiful face of The Betting Channel and the brains behind adult dating website Introseduce.com, Simone Thomas – who revealed exclusively to Sport.co.uk that she would like to have a bath with former Southampton defender Claus Lundekvam (sort of) – is also the advice-doling go-to-girl of the footballing elite.
Sport.co.uk is delighted to announce that Simone has agreed to show us her mailbag and she encourages you, our dear readers, to write in with your own football-related problems. Are Mikael Silvestre’s attempts at man-marking ruining your sex drive? Is Dirk Kuyt giving you sleepless nights? Then Simone wants to hear from you! Simply leave your question in a comment below or email it to jonnyabrams@sport.co.uk
(Photograph taken by Lee Collier of All Image Solutions Southampton)
WAS I RIGHT TO WALK OUT ON MY FINE CLARET?
Dear Simone,
I recently walked out on a two-year relationship when an old flame came a-calling. Don’t get me wrong - Claretta and I had some good times. Last year, we holidayed in the Playoffs (a series of islands just north of Cardiff) and, as we got to know each other more intimately, I eventually took her up…er, to the top. She said it was as high as she’s felt since she could remember. Our relationship was exceeding any reasonable expectations that either of us could have held.
But then, one day, I got a phone call. It was Wanda. Her and I were quite the item back in the 1990’s. She was never much to look at, but I couldn’t stop scoring with her and we brought out the best in each other. We lost contact for a while and then I found out she’d been having the time of her life with some dodgy, walrus-looking bloke. I must confess I was jealous. What did Wanda see in him Was it his long balls Or his big chap up front I mean, I look like George Clooney (if you sort of squint a bit).
But there she was roughhousing with this brute. So, when she called me a few weeks ago to say that she wanted me back, I couldn’t resist. Everyone questioned why I was leaving Claretta, a pleasant and attractive woman, for someone like Wanda – but they don’t know Wanda like I do. Unfortunately, Claretta has not taken it well. She’s in a very bad way and, when I bumped into her last week, she just stood there hurling abuse at me for ninety minutes. I always told her to show more passion so I couldn’t really blame her but, naturally, it hurt. Did I do the right thing in ditching my cosy, loved-up life with Claretta in an attempt to recreate former glories. Will Claretta ever understand and forgive me? Do you think I look like George Clooney (if you sort of squint a bit)
Yours,
Mr. O. Coyle, Bolton
Simone says: Every relationship hits a stage where things run smoothly and the fun, carefree times gradually disappear. You were comfortable together and didn’t need to impress each other any more. Wanda then reappears and you have to ask yourself: why has it taken her so long to get in contact with you? Are you her last resort before she turns of age? What if it doesn’t work out and she goes back to her roughhousing ways with the walrus-looking bloke? Your reputation and confidence would be shot to pieces. You have fallen into the familiar trap of thinking that the grass is greener but, once you crossed over to this greener grass, not all was how it seemed.
Ask yourself why you and Wanda split up in the first place all those years ago; those problems could resurface once the honeymoon period has passed.??From what you have written, Claretta sounds like a lovely girl and I wish her all the best in life. However, for your sake, I hope your decision is the right one and not one that you look back on and regret. Do you look like George Clooney? That would have to be a no. More like some sort of rodent, I’d say. I guess that makes you a love rat!
HAVE I ALWAYS BEEN INTO BHOYS
Dear Simone,
My appeal appears to be going down the tube. I recently got back together with a former lover having walked out on her for my childhood sweetheart, who then dumped me after a disastrous six months together. Now my current Totty says she has no need for me any more, and I've suddenly discovered that I now have a preference for Bhoys. Am I having some kind of mid-life crisis
Yours, confused,
Mr R. Keane, Glasgow
Simone says: Sexuality is often frightening and confusing, especially when it involves sorting out your sexual orientation by being attracted to opposite, same or both sexes. Being attracted to Bhoys doesn’t necessarily mean you're gay. Lots of things change during life after relationships not working out or death of a loved one. It’s not uncommon for Bhoys to feel closer to other Bhoys at times of loneliness. I don’t think your having a mid life crisis I think you have got to a point in life where you are feeling lonely and maybe vulnerable. I wish you luck in your ventures and there is light at the end of the tunnel.
THEY’VE GOT THE GOLD BUT WILL THEY SULLI IT?
Dear Simone,
I recently met these two guys called David who have got loads of money and they promised to show me a good time. They're far more preferable than my last man, but they seem a bit seedy and never seem to give me a straight answer when I ask them how they made their millions. Should I just relax and have some fun or do I need to start demanding some answers.
Yours,
Zola x
Simone says: When it comes to meeting men - especially two at the same time - you have to be very careful. If you have a feeling in your gut that something is not right then more often than not you should heed it. Get to know them and if you still feel after further days and nights out with them that something is not right then walk away. Whenever you do go out with them please make sure to text a relative or friend where you are going as you just don’t know what could happen if anything. Be safe.