As we enter a new year – nay, a new decade – we all know deep down of the myriad inevitabilities ready to unfold in the funny-yet-cyclical old world of football. Sport.co.uk gazes into its crystal ball and exposes 10 such inexorable happenings…
1. Everyone to predict England to get knocked out of the World Cup on penalties in the Quarter Finals - …and for it to be exactly what happens…
2. Rafael Benitez to give an interview in which he repeats the same word or phrase over and over - …supplementing the success of “as always I am focused on training and coaching my team”, “fact!” and “the referee was perfect”, and giving the Spaniard an arsenal of popular catchphrases to rival The Fast Show…
3. Sky Sports to repeatedly assure us that “we won’t miss a kick” - …only for them to completely miss a goal while salivating over a replay of Steven Gerrard spraying the ball 40 yards…
4. Roberto Mancini to be sacked - …roughly 10 games into next season…and for Manchester City fans’ sense of humour and reality to continue to evaporate into clouds of delusion…(or something like that)…
5. Craig Levein to be sacked as Scotland coach - …to be replaced by whoever’s managing the 3rd placed SPL team at the time…
6. The winners of the Championship playoffs to make a barnstorming start to next season’s Premier League - …only to eventually be relegated…
7. Arsenal to go trophyless again - …as it’s still a transitional period, you see…
8. Fabio Capello to be as unpopular as Barack Obama - …give it ‘til September 2010…
9. Newcastle United to sack Chris Hughton - …roughly 10 games into next season…to be replaced by a dream team of Alan Shearer, Lee Clark and John Beresford…
10. Carlo Ancelotti to resign - …from moonlighting as Jack Donaghy in 30 Rock in order to focus on his role as manager of Manchester City…Jose Mourinho to return to Chelsea, win the league, and then get sacked for beating Roman Abramovich at chess…