Top Ten: Drama Queen Footballers
Alex King
Posted on: 09 October 2009 - 14:35
Football
Vinny Jones’ successful acting career might have come as a shock to some – but in reality, thespianism and football have long since gone hand in hand. The modern continental game has seen a huge rise in footballers overreacting to situations on the pitch, so much so that the time has come to name the top ten drama queens that the beautiful game has to offer. While compiling the list, it struck me that most of the men on this list were/are among the best footballers of their generation, which makes the fact that they are such advocates of play-acting all the more frustrating.
Didier Drogba
Everyone knows that there are two vastly different sides to the Ivorian’s game – the monstrously powerful centre-forward who bullies some of the world’s finest centre-backs on his way to scoring or creating most of Chelsea’s goals, and the laughably frail diving supremo that infuriates Chelsea’s players and fans as much as it does the opposition’s. It was a closely run thing at the top of the chart, but Drogba’s facial expressions and gestures of a dying man ensure he comes top of the pile.
Cristiano Ronaldo
Although he’s cut it out of his game significantly since he first appeared on the scene, the boy is still one of the best actors in the game. Fans of most clubs in the Premier League (and now some in La Liga) will remember a time when ‘the world’s best player’ unlawfully won a foul against their team and then spent a few minutes rolling around on the floor, and he gives a better facial expression of someone who has been recently shot than most.
Wayne Rooney
Perhaps not as adept at some in the diving stakes (although Arsenal fans may disagree), little Wayne is amongst the finest at throwing on-field tantrums. The recent draw his team salvaged against Sunderland provided a perfect example of this – when things aren’t going right for Rooney, he is the most dramatically angry and childish person in the stadium. He’s a hard queen, but he’s a queen alright.
Rivaldo
Another footballer who will go down as one of the greatest ever, but one who will unfortunately be remembered for that shameful moment in South Korea in 2002 as much as he will be for scoring audacious bicycle kicks. Clutching his face long after the ball had hit him in the shins, Rivaldo gave a performance that would have endeared him to Shakespeare, getting the unfortunate Hakan Unsal dismissed in the process.
Dida
Not the only Brazilian in the list, but, shamefully, the only goalkeeper - everyone recalls the Celtic Park incident in which Dida hugely enhanced his credentials for an appearance on Holby City. Getting a brush round the neck from a cheeky Celtic chappy, the AC Milan ‘keeper chased after the fan briefly, realised he had been outrun by a drunk Glaswegian, and fell to the ground motionless. Dida’s antics proved the drama-queen-syndrome to be a phenomenon affecting goalies as well outfield players – top acting though.
Alberto Gilardino
Another AC Milan player who seemed to be auditioning rather than playing football in his team’s clash with Celtic was the happy-to-go-down Gilardino. In this match, in particular, he showed his diving credentials more than ever, going down with no player within five yards of him in futile search of a penalty. This wasn’t the best part of his acting that day, however – the incredulous look of sheer innocence he produced when he was booked for the simulation would have fooled most.
Morten Gamst Pedersen
The Blackburn star loves a dance and a throw-down whenever he’s in a scoring situation, so much so that you’d think he was scared of scoring. Like Gilardino, he’ll quite happily go down in the box with no-one in fouling range of him, expecting to get away with it in front of thousands of fans and dozens of television cameras replaying his every dive in slow motion. And, like the Italian, he gives the same Oscar-worthy look of disbelief when he is punished for his fake falls.
Steven Gerrard
Even Liverpool fans are now starting to admit that Captain Fantastic has dramatic qualities – his dives are perhaps not as ridiculous as most of the other players on this list, the Scouse superstar definitely puts on a one-man show focused upon the referee every time he goes down – throwing his arms aloft and pulling a facial expression of disgust, Gerrard usually gets what he wants, especially in and around the box.
Emmanuel Eboue
Another Ivorian who has perfected the art of portraying the foul by the invisible player, Eboue is not as theatrical as Drogba, and perhaps this is why he wins less free-kicks and earns more bookings. Usually going down while running at full pelt past an opposition player, Eboue often fails to throw his arms up dramatically, instead quietly sprawling into a heap. This style has an air of realism to it that puts Drogba’s acting to shame, but unfortunately, this doesn’t seem to work.
Arjen Robben
The prematurely balding wing-wizard loves to act up at both club and international level – while at Chelsea and Real Madrid, Robben was often seen to be capable of huge leaps of the ground and ballet-esque pirouetting skills that would impress any Hollywood stuntman. He has shown that he can successfully combine these physical feats with a believable look of despair, and would be higher up the list if injuries had not curtailed his acting career thus far.