Footballers are not exactly famed for their literary prowess but, with the gently guiding hand of a ghostwriter, the results are not always altogether dreadful. Sport.co.uk lists ten such examples…
1. Provided You Don’t Kiss Me: 20 Years with Brian Clough – Author Duncan Hamilton documents the incredible achievements and sad, alcoholic decline of arguably the greatest manager of all time. The external viewpoint spanning two decades is what sets this book apart from other Cloughie tomes such as The Damned United and Walking on Water.
2. Fever Pitch – Nick Hornby’s account of obsessive fandom – in his case with Arsenal – was important for its timing, arriving as it did during a time when football fans were considered to be nothing more than hooligans; or, as Bill Bruford put it in Among the Thugs, a “belching sub-humanity”. Humour, morality and social hierarchy were all deftly employed and explored by Hornby, leading to an only slightly less successful film adaptation. The Trainspotting of football?
3. Keane: The Autobiography – “I'd waited long enough. I f***ing hit him hard. The ball was there (I think). Take that you c*nt. And don't ever stand over me sneering about fake injuries.” This admission that his injuring of Alf Inge Haaland was deliberate caused quite the sh*t-storm when this book was released in 2002, but it is a compelling and – to some, perhaps – a surprisingly thoughtful read. It even contains the bonus comedy element of Eamon Dunphy’s ghostwriting: "What I do recall was a palpable sense of pessimism and apathy among the people Mayfield Community School purported to serve". That’s supposedly Keane talking about his lack of education, by the way.
4. Full Time: The Secret Life of Tony Cascarino – An almost frighteningly honest read, the former Millwall, Aston Villa, Marseille, Chelsea and Republic of Ireland centre-forward lifts the lid on the murky undercurrent of his playing career, which comprises extra-martial affairs and the revelation that he has no Irish blood whatsoever. However, his crippling self-doubt on the pitch is laid to rest during his spell in France, where he was hero-worshipped for his prolific goalscoring, in stark contrast to his popularity (or lack of) at other clubs. Paul Kimmage is his writing ghost.
5. Addicted: Penned by Ian Ridley, this is former Arsenal and England captain Tony Adams’ account of his battle with alcoholism during the 90’s. It’s a staggeringly honest confessional, and one that should make many readers consider how close they might be to lapsing into addiction themselves.
6. Carra: My Autobiography – …in which the Liverpool captain lays bare all sorts of juicy titbits that had tabloid writers licking their lips. Gasp at how he tried to get friends to assault Lucas Neill; squirm at how he purposefully crunched Rigobert Song on the training ground; cringe ever-so-slightly at “I've got two brothers who find it hard to work in Liverpool in this Capital of Culture year. One of the reasons is we've made it too easy for all those foreigners to come here and take our jobs.” Like Daniel Agger and Martin Skrtel?
7. Left Foot Forward: A Year in the Life of a Journeyman Footballer – This is Garry Nelson’s description of the 1994/95 season at Charlton Athletic in diary format, making for a fascinating insight into the life of the less-celebrated footballer. Would you believe they also have concerns such as family, making a living and the like? This is probably much more interesting and intelligent than a season diary by Cristiano Ronaldo would be.
8. Managing My Life: My Autobiography – The subject is Sir Alex Ferguson. That’s about all you need to know, really. A revealing insight into football in much the same way as Piers Morgan’s Don’t You Know Who I Am? is a revealing insight into the media. Ok, comparing Ferguson to Morgan is perhaps a tad harsh: one’s a Red Devil, whereas the other is quite possibly Satan incarnate.
9. In Search of Duncan Ferguson: The Life and Crimes of a Footballing Enigma – Alan Pattullo’s book about the eccentric former Rangers, Everton and Newcastle striker is still awaiting release but, given Ferguson’s litany of red cards, love of pigeon-racing, stint in prison and hero-worship, it’ll have to go some not to be a real page-turner.
10. Unseen Academicals – Many have him down as merely a children’s fantasy writer, but Terry Pratchett’s series of Discworld novels place him firmly alongside Monty Python in terms of melding the mundane and the fantastical to create something truly hilarious. His new book, Unseen Academicals, tells the tale of a football team of wizards who must win without using any magic. Football in the ancient Discworld city of Ankh-Morpork is still at the dangerous and bloody stage, so the wizards of Unseen University are charged with bringing the game up to date. Expect plenty of spot-on digs at football culture and a belly laugh on every page.