Top Ten: Eye-Catching England Football Shirts
Jonny Abrams
Posted on: 24 March 2009 - 15:32
Football
As umbro.co.uk counts down the seconds until the release of the new England kit (four days, seven hours, 20 minutes and 40 seconds at the time of writing), sport.co.uk counts down the top ten England kits:
1. 1872-1880 Home Kit – The very first England kit came complete with a cap which, in the absence of a photograph, floats disembodied by the left shoulder in this helpful picture. Other accessories of this kit are described as “white knickers” and “navy hose”, indicating that footballer metrosexuality may in fact be a cyclical phenomenon. Click here to view.
2. 1966-1974 Away Kit – The red one adorning all those famous pictures of Bobby Moore, thrust aloft by his team-mates, in turn thrusting aloft the World Cup. England had just beaten West Germany 4-2 in the final at Wembley, so ecstatically thrusting things aloft was all the rage. Special mention must go to the sleek black top and moustache combo sported by a certain Russian linesman that day. Click here to view.
3. 1980-1983 Home Kit – A typically jarring 1980s fashion statement. Red and blue now surround a v-neck collar while, for some reason, a Slinky Spring balancing a marble takes its place on the other side of the traditional Three Lions. Historical footnote: England were mostly rubbish in this kit. This is a trait shared with many other England kits throughout history. Click here to view.
4. 1987-1989 Home Kit – This one is notable for two reasons. Firstly, it was the first England kit to incorporate Tactel, a “unique nylon fabric” which helps your skin breathe, or some such nonsense. Secondly, it was bled profusely upon by Terry Butcher during a World Cup qualifier in Sweden. Oh, and the blue and red rectangles on either sleeve score very highly in terms of utter pointlessness. Click here to view.
5. 1990 World Cup Home Kit – Despite looking like a horrendous wallpaper design, this shirt holds special memories of arguably England’s most glorious also-rans, the Italia ’90 side. Gazza cried in it, Waddle and Pearce missed penalties in it, while New Order, John Barnes and Pavarotti dominated the airwaves. No-one was to know that coming very soon was…Click here to view.
6. 1992 Goalkeeper’s Kit - …the Graham Taylor era. Carlton Palmer, Stuart Ripley, David Bardsley, Andy Sinton, “do I not like that”, an over-excited Norwegian commentator…the painful memories are abundant. But what is often overlooked is the fact that the side were often kitted out in shirts that looked like they were designed by a blind, upside-down monkey on acid. This top, usually modelled by Chris Woods, is probably now draped across a student’s bedroom ceiling. “Yeah, I got this from a veteran goalkeeper at a small marketplace while backpacking in Laos. Managed to haggle him down to about 3p and a George Michael cassette tape. Lush.” Click here to view.
7. 1992 Third Kit – The upside-down monkey must have been feeling seriously paranoid when he designed this one. Apparently, he thought that lions with the head of Lisa Simpson were out to get him. The thought of Carlton Palmer walking out wearing this is enough to make any Englishman pretend to be French instead. Ou est la bibliotheque? Click here to view.
8. 1995-1996 Goalkeeper’s Kit – Wow. Just…wow. What on earth was going on at Umbro to make them think that was a good idea? It looks like a melted Fruit Pastels ice lolly. Poor David Seaman. As if being named after one bodily fluid wasn’t enough, he then had to wear a shirt covered in designer vomit. And, looking at this picture, one wonders whether that really does just say ‘GLAND’. This could be the worst kit ever made. Clcik here to view.
9. 1996-1997 Third Kit – Despite Manchester United’s protestations that a grey kit had left them unable to see each other during a disastrous defeat at Southampton, Umbro remained undeterred, sending England out for their Euro ’96 semi-final against Germany in this cheeky number. “Three Lions on the shirt” was all that seemed to matter at the time but another penalty shootout exit left the nation feeling, well, grey. Stirs memories of Gareth Southgate in a Pizza Hut advert with a bag on his head. Click here to view.
10. 2001-2003 Home Kit – As worn by Michael Owen when he plundered a hat-trick in that 5-1 win in Germany, and also by David Beckham when he scored that free-kick against Greece. This shirt – which looks in this picture like it’s being modelled by an invisible Margaret Thatcher – has a vertical red stripe piercing the crest, which could be a tribute to a certain Jamaican lager, but probably isn’t. Click here to view.